Getting Better

As promised an entry or 2 (or 3...) ago, here's a picture of how much better my hand is getting/looking. The scabbies are all gone & now I've just got a bright pink line running down my hand & onto my wrist. If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now...I'm so thrilled with the doctor, how well he performed the surgery & how/where he made the incision. After all the pinkness fades (& knowing how I am & how long my skin stays pink at a scar site, it'll be a long while), you won't be able to tell how big the scar really is, since most of it is where creases in my hand would be. The only spot where it might show is at the base of my hand & a little on my wrist, but the incision looks so damn fine, I doubt you'd be able to tell even there unless I pointed it out to you.

I've been using my hand a lot more & making sure to exercise it. I still don't have a full range of motion (there are still a few things I just can not do with that hand); the scar is still very tender & the base of my hand & my wrist still hurts much more than the rest of the hand...BUT...I will not let that hold me back from getting back into full use of my hand. I have to realize though, that it has only been about a month & 10 days since the surgery & that that stupid hard-boiled-egg-sized thing was growing in my hand for nearly 4 years, so certain things are not going to happen overnight.

I saw my surgeon last week & he was very pleased at how well my hand was healing & the progress I've already made with moving it around. He told me to keep up the good work & I wouldn't need to go to physical therapy. The only thing is that I might have some mild arthritis in the lower thumb joint, but we just have to wait & see if it isn't just some pain from the surgery. I'll probably be going back for another follow up visit in 4-6 weeks & I'll see how this thumb~joint pain is doing by then.

Hand Picture

Here it is...long after this picture was taken, I'm finally posting what my hand looked like after the honkin' huge bandaging came off & the stitches came out. I need new batteries for my camera & then I'll get Skip to take more pictures, now that all the scabs are gone.

Doubts

I know I haven't posted in a while & I must apologize. My hand is getting better, little by little. I still intend to post some pictures from just after getting the big bulky stuff off & stitches out & from around this time. Now the scabs are coming off & it looks all funky/icky/crusty/weird. The skin underneath where the scabs were is so pink & tender to the touch & the movement in my hand is still somewhat limited, but getting better. I've been doing my own exercises with it, but everyone keeps telling me I should go for physical therapy. I'm considering it.

I've got so many doubts swirling around in my head. Doubts about my writing abilities here & if what I have to say is of any interest at all & if anybody is actually reading my words & if so, does it really matter to anyone or are you saying, "good lord, not more stuff about her hand...bor~ing!" What do you all want me to write about? I'm at a bit of a loss here. Want to send some questions my way? I welcome them! Give me ideas!

Doubts about how to run the store; if I'm doing enough; if I'm doing the right thing. Doubts about whether to take a day or afternoon off here & there. I immediately feel guilty if I do ~ I'm feeling it right now, as I'm home a little early & not feeling the greatest (trying to kick whatever this is out of me quick).

Doubts about if I'm being a good enough wife. Doubts about being a good enough friend to anyone. Doubts...doubts...doubts...

They're Gone!

Yes, ladies & gentlemen...the funky bandages/brace have gone bye~bye & the stitches are out of my hand! But......my hand looks funky & my wrist is all teeny looking. Kinda weird feeling, too...almost like it's not really my hand, if that makes any sense at all.

I'm now the proud owner of 1 of those "sporty" black velcro braces that i'm to wear part of the time. The doctor also gave me some exercises to do & said that if I wanted pysical therapy, they cold set that up for me. I've already turned my wrist too far a couple of times (although not on purpose) & been seriously sorry it happened. OWIE! I'm 1 of those people wanting instant gratification, but I MUST be patient & take it slow & re~learn things. The condition my hand was in pre~operatively didn't happen overnight & neither will the recovery. I need to be patient. I had Skip take yet another set of pictures of my hands (documenting all this for myself). Does anyone have any objections if I post a picture here? You won't hurt my feelings, so please be honest either way!

'Nuff for now.....must go to bed.

Owies!

A short but sweet post to say that I stayed home from work today & hate my hand right now. I woke up with hideous hand pain & it hasn't let up all day. I just can't get comfortable & it's difficult to stretch my fingers out as though I was going to wave hello to someone. My dad called the doctor's office when he got to work & they told him that this can be expected (pain/swelling) at the 7~10 day mark post~surgery. Today is day 10. The stitches are due to come out Thursday afternoon. They said I could unwrap it all & soak in a bath for a while & then re~wrap it, plus take some ibuprofin in addition to the percoset I've been taking. I'm dreading what it's going to look like under there ~ YIKES! Skip's coming home early to help me thankfully. If I'm not better by tomorrow, then they said to come in.

Please send some good karma my way, would ya?

Another Weekend

Yet another weekend has come & gone, passing in the blink of an eye. ::sigh:: It was a busy & productive one, but I should've gotten more rest than I did, since I'm paying for it with hand pain tonight. It's supposed to start snowing here in the NYC metro area sometime late tonight & we might be gatting a decent amount of snow. I've found that I've gotten to old to enjoy winter & snowy days (although it does look pretty just after the snowfall), but I'm also finding myself desperately wanting a snow/mental health day tomorrow...probably because of my hand (still typing slowly & like a spaz). Is this so wrong of me? Why do I feel guilty?

Speaking of my hand...It's still wrapped up & braced in the same stuff as pictured in a previous post...will be until my 1:20pm doctor's appointment on Thursday, January 20th. That's when it should all come off & the stitches come out...hopefully. My hand is still pretty sore, but it's very itchy & sweaty under there. I'm taking it all as a sign of healing, just wish I could get off the percoset, but don't think so yet Bathing, brushing teeth, dressing, even what kinds of shirts I can wear are still pretty awkward. I haven't shaved in nearly 2 weeks & that's driving me bonkers!!! LOL Cooking is out of the question & so is writing anything, unless I want it to look like a first grader wrote it.

Saturday found my mom & I at my cousin's wife's baby shower. Another cousin held it at her beautiful house about 1/2 an hour from me. Both are pregnant & look fabulous! She got a lot of great stuff & the food was delish.

Today then found my mom & I together again, but on a sadder note. Tommorow is the 1st anniversary of my grandmother's passing, so we went to the cemetary today. The cute little angel statue I left several months ago is still sitting on the headstone, watching over her. My grandmother was quite the character & I miss her. I then stopped for some mik (like 12 million other people) & went to Best Buy with a gift card Skip got for Christmas & got us some really cool new corless phones that we so desperately needed as our other ones suck.

Tonight, my dear, sweet friend Lori came over for about an hour while Skip was at the firehouse watching the Giants beat the Cowboys. She's called me several times since my surgery to check up on me & now she wanted to do it in person. She rought some delicious looking homemade chicken parm, since she figured I was probably tired of take~out. I can't wait to have some tomorrow night! The hug above is for you, Lori!

That's enough for me for tonight...my hand can't take much more......

Hands

I finally was able to download pictures from my new digital camera (a Christmas present from Skip) ~ w00t! I'm not sure how the pre~surgery pictures are going to come out ~ if you'll be able to tell how swollen my right hand is. The other picture is obviously post~surgery with the huge bandages on it. There's a brace buried uner all of it, on the palm side, that runs down to where the bandages end. I seriously wonder how it all looks under there, with the 15 stitches, etc.

That's all for now...can't type much more...

Still Home

Howdy! It's Monday afternoon & I still haven't gone into work since my hand operation. I'll be heading in tomorrow to help Skip out as best as I can. I'm just taking it day by day here.

I've now gotten caught up on some of my TiVo'd stuff (Project Runway & a couple of others), have done some reading, napped, yada yada yada. Skip (that lucky boy) got to help me shower & wash my hair yesterday, since I can't get the bandages even a teensy bit wet (charming baggie/rubber band doo~dad on my hand during it all). I've got some serious B.O. going today, especially under the arms & around the bandages & I can't figure out why. Might have to go back to my childhood later when my mom brings Chinese food over for dinner & ask her to help me rid myself of this stench. LOL As for eating/holding utensils~ that's a whole nother story ~ I never realized how hard it would be to eat with my non-dominant hand!

That's all for now ~ it has taken me quite a while just to type this much & I want to install the software for my new digital camera so I can post some pictures (don't worry...they're not gross or anything).

Hand Update

Hi gang! Here I am, typing one~handed & in a little bit of pain, but I'm OK. This will be short ~ sorry!

The surgery was a success & the doctor was wonderful. They were able to limit the incision to the palm of my right hand & got an egg sized lipoma (basically a fatty mass) out...it was so squeezed into such a small space that it practically popped out on its own. I was home the same day. I've now got a brace on my hand & wrist, wrapped in lots of cottony gauze & ace bandage ~ it's HUGE & clumsy & I'm unable to use that hand although the fingers are sticking out. Yes, I'm able to wiggle my fingers. I won't be at work for a few days. I'm due back at the doctor's in about 2 weeks to get the brace & stuff off & the 15 stitches out. It'll also be the first time I get to see what my hand looks like. I'll post some pictures when I'm up to it.

Thank you all for your kind words & love ~ it means more than you'll ever know! You're all my little darlings!

Nerves

I've been getting more & more nervous as the day approaches for my hand surgery (which is this Friday, if you haven't read my previous post). It comes in waves & I find myself having panic attacks that come out of nowhere, with absolutely no warning. Other times, I'm OK & am kinda glad to be getting it over with. Weird.

I'm due at the ambulatory surgery suite at 9:10 (they made it a little earlier on me) & my parents will be there in the waiting room during the surgery. Skip will be at the store (which is only about 10 or 15 minutes away), not because he doesn't want to be at the hospital, but: 1) someone needs to be at the store & have it open; 2) it's the only way to keep his mind occupied so that he doesn't have a panic attack of his own from worry. When I'm all done, my mom will take me right home, my dad will go take the store over from Skip, who'll then leave right away to drive home, stopping only at either Walgreen's or CVS to get any prescriptions I might have, filled.

I'm not sure when I'll be able to post anything or e-mail anyone, as I'm just not sure how my hand is going to be or even how I'm feeling in general, but I'll try to update y'all as soon as possible. Maybe Skip will be a dear & let me dictate something to him. (Love you, honey...my dear, sweet, handsome, smart hubby!)

In the meantime, I'm trying to get some cooking & laundry done, so I don't have to worry about that for several days.

Catch y'all soon!

Mixed Emotions...

As I sit here writing this, I can't help but think about what could have been & am so thankful that it's not. But...what could've been keeps popping into my head.

Let me back up a little & explain. I've had a "lump" (for lack of a better word) in the palm of my right hand for the past 3 1/2 ~ 4 years that started out the size of a lima bean. I had an MRI done on it in October, 2004, & it was diagnosed as a ganglion cyst which is described as the following: "A ganglion cyst is a tumor or swelling on top of a joint or the covering of a tendon (tissue that connects muscle to bone). It looks like a sac of liquid (cyst). Inside the cyst is a thick, sticky, clear, colorless, jellylike material. Depending on the size, cysts may feel firm or spongy." In essence, it was nothing to worry about ~ not cancerous, etc ~ & no surgery needed to be done unless the thing grew and/or gave me pain or limited what I could do.

Well...the "cyst" has since grown to a lump nearly the size of my entire palm. It either hurts me or makes my hand & fingers numb & tingly; it has gotten to the point where it does limit what I can do with that hand (& being a righty doesn't help matters). I went to a orthopaedist near where I work on December 17th ~ he's partners with the head of the department in the local hospital & another doctor ~ & point blank, with little feeling or concern & after only feeling my hand for a couple of moments, told me that it's either a lipoma or a lipocarcoma. I asked him, "lipocarcoma, that sounds like cancer. Is that what you're telling me?" "Yes," he said. I then asked him, "well, what does that mean? What happens?" I fully expected him to say that the lipocarcoma (or tumor) would be removed & I'd have to go through chemo and/or radiation. All he said was "you'd lose your arm." It hit me like a ton of bricks...I didn't know what to say. No mention of chemo/radiation; no "you'd only lose your arm in a worst case scenario;" just plain & simple "you'd lose your arm." WTF??? He then told me that I'd need to have an MRI done & we'd go from there.

I've since had the MRI done & went back to the doctor's office, but saw the 3rd partner in this practice. He was very kind & gentle & told me happily that it wasn't cancer & was indeed either a ganglion cyst or the lipoma (which is described as "A lipoma is a common, benign tumor composed of fatty tissue. Lipomas are soft to the touch, usually moveable, and are generally painless. They grow very slowly...") & that it could be removed easily since it was all sitting on top of any tendons & arteries/veins.

Sooooo....this Friday, January 4th at 10:40 am, I check into the hospital for same day surgery on my hand. I won't be under a general anesthesia thankfully. They'll give me some medicine to make me a little drowsy & a little loopier than I normally am & then put a "block" in my shoulder to numb the entire arm. I'll have a whole bunch of stiches, starting in my wrist & travelling up into the palm of my hand & I'll have to wear some sort of brace on my hand/wrist. 7 ~ 10 days later I'll have the stiches out & start to exercise my hand. I'm so happy that the nice doctor will be doing the surgery & that he's also a plastic surgeon, so that the scars won't be too hideous. I'm so thankful to whoever was watching out for me from up above that it wasn't cancer & yet so angry at the one doctor for telling me this & in the manner he did it ~ I had to go through Christmas with these doubts & worries in the back of my head.

I haven't mentioned any of this before now because I didn't want to alarm anyone needlessly. I guess I didn't want to think about more than necessary myself either. I wanted to know exactly what I was dealing with before I wrote about it here. I also haven't wanted to make a big deal out of it & draw attention to myself ~ that isn't even the point of my posting now ~ just wanted to fill you all in. I do post this with a picture of blue skies because I feel like there is some sort of a silver lining to the cloud that has been following me for just over a week.

I'll try to post again before the surgery, but I'm not sure if I'll have the time. I will update after the surgery, but give me some time. I'm not sure how much pain I'll be in or even how well I'll be able to type.

In the meantime, I wish you all a great 2008! Hugz to you all!!!