Hands

I finally was able to download pictures from my new digital camera (a Christmas present from Skip) ~ w00t! I'm not sure how the pre~surgery pictures are going to come out ~ if you'll be able to tell how swollen my right hand is. The other picture is obviously post~surgery with the huge bandages on it. There's a brace buried uner all of it, on the palm side, that runs down to where the bandages end. I seriously wonder how it all looks under there, with the 15 stitches, etc.

That's all for now...can't type much more...

Hand Update

Hi gang! Here I am, typing one~handed & in a little bit of pain, but I'm OK. This will be short ~ sorry!

The surgery was a success & the doctor was wonderful. They were able to limit the incision to the palm of my right hand & got an egg sized lipoma (basically a fatty mass) out...it was so squeezed into such a small space that it practically popped out on its own. I was home the same day. I've now got a brace on my hand & wrist, wrapped in lots of cottony gauze & ace bandage ~ it's HUGE & clumsy & I'm unable to use that hand although the fingers are sticking out. Yes, I'm able to wiggle my fingers. I won't be at work for a few days. I'm due back at the doctor's in about 2 weeks to get the brace & stuff off & the 15 stitches out. It'll also be the first time I get to see what my hand looks like. I'll post some pictures when I'm up to it.

Thank you all for your kind words & love ~ it means more than you'll ever know! You're all my little darlings!

Nerves

I've been getting more & more nervous as the day approaches for my hand surgery (which is this Friday, if you haven't read my previous post). It comes in waves & I find myself having panic attacks that come out of nowhere, with absolutely no warning. Other times, I'm OK & am kinda glad to be getting it over with. Weird.

I'm due at the ambulatory surgery suite at 9:10 (they made it a little earlier on me) & my parents will be there in the waiting room during the surgery. Skip will be at the store (which is only about 10 or 15 minutes away), not because he doesn't want to be at the hospital, but: 1) someone needs to be at the store & have it open; 2) it's the only way to keep his mind occupied so that he doesn't have a panic attack of his own from worry. When I'm all done, my mom will take me right home, my dad will go take the store over from Skip, who'll then leave right away to drive home, stopping only at either Walgreen's or CVS to get any prescriptions I might have, filled.

I'm not sure when I'll be able to post anything or e-mail anyone, as I'm just not sure how my hand is going to be or even how I'm feeling in general, but I'll try to update y'all as soon as possible. Maybe Skip will be a dear & let me dictate something to him. (Love you, honey...my dear, sweet, handsome, smart hubby!)

In the meantime, I'm trying to get some cooking & laundry done, so I don't have to worry about that for several days.

Catch y'all soon!

Mixed Emotions...

As I sit here writing this, I can't help but think about what could have been & am so thankful that it's not. But...what could've been keeps popping into my head.

Let me back up a little & explain. I've had a "lump" (for lack of a better word) in the palm of my right hand for the past 3 1/2 ~ 4 years that started out the size of a lima bean. I had an MRI done on it in October, 2004, & it was diagnosed as a ganglion cyst which is described as the following: "A ganglion cyst is a tumor or swelling on top of a joint or the covering of a tendon (tissue that connects muscle to bone). It looks like a sac of liquid (cyst). Inside the cyst is a thick, sticky, clear, colorless, jellylike material. Depending on the size, cysts may feel firm or spongy." In essence, it was nothing to worry about ~ not cancerous, etc ~ & no surgery needed to be done unless the thing grew and/or gave me pain or limited what I could do.

Well...the "cyst" has since grown to a lump nearly the size of my entire palm. It either hurts me or makes my hand & fingers numb & tingly; it has gotten to the point where it does limit what I can do with that hand (& being a righty doesn't help matters). I went to a orthopaedist near where I work on December 17th ~ he's partners with the head of the department in the local hospital & another doctor ~ & point blank, with little feeling or concern & after only feeling my hand for a couple of moments, told me that it's either a lipoma or a lipocarcoma. I asked him, "lipocarcoma, that sounds like cancer. Is that what you're telling me?" "Yes," he said. I then asked him, "well, what does that mean? What happens?" I fully expected him to say that the lipocarcoma (or tumor) would be removed & I'd have to go through chemo and/or radiation. All he said was "you'd lose your arm." It hit me like a ton of bricks...I didn't know what to say. No mention of chemo/radiation; no "you'd only lose your arm in a worst case scenario;" just plain & simple "you'd lose your arm." WTF??? He then told me that I'd need to have an MRI done & we'd go from there.

I've since had the MRI done & went back to the doctor's office, but saw the 3rd partner in this practice. He was very kind & gentle & told me happily that it wasn't cancer & was indeed either a ganglion cyst or the lipoma (which is described as "A lipoma is a common, benign tumor composed of fatty tissue. Lipomas are soft to the touch, usually moveable, and are generally painless. They grow very slowly...") & that it could be removed easily since it was all sitting on top of any tendons & arteries/veins.

Sooooo....this Friday, January 4th at 10:40 am, I check into the hospital for same day surgery on my hand. I won't be under a general anesthesia thankfully. They'll give me some medicine to make me a little drowsy & a little loopier than I normally am & then put a "block" in my shoulder to numb the entire arm. I'll have a whole bunch of stiches, starting in my wrist & travelling up into the palm of my hand & I'll have to wear some sort of brace on my hand/wrist. 7 ~ 10 days later I'll have the stiches out & start to exercise my hand. I'm so happy that the nice doctor will be doing the surgery & that he's also a plastic surgeon, so that the scars won't be too hideous. I'm so thankful to whoever was watching out for me from up above that it wasn't cancer & yet so angry at the one doctor for telling me this & in the manner he did it ~ I had to go through Christmas with these doubts & worries in the back of my head.

I haven't mentioned any of this before now because I didn't want to alarm anyone needlessly. I guess I didn't want to think about more than necessary myself either. I wanted to know exactly what I was dealing with before I wrote about it here. I also haven't wanted to make a big deal out of it & draw attention to myself ~ that isn't even the point of my posting now ~ just wanted to fill you all in. I do post this with a picture of blue skies because I feel like there is some sort of a silver lining to the cloud that has been following me for just over a week.

I'll try to post again before the surgery, but I'm not sure if I'll have the time. I will update after the surgery, but give me some time. I'm not sure how much pain I'll be in or even how well I'll be able to type.

In the meantime, I wish you all a great 2008! Hugz to you all!!!